You Still Alive, Smokejumper?!
Firestorm, which is essentially Die Hard set amidst a forest fire, is as bad as you’d expect a movie that stars an ex-NFL player to be.
That said, it’s still dumb fun, and it is anchored by another deliciously evil turn from William Forsythe. He plays Shaye—an escaped convict who engineered the fire, so he could reclaim his stashed millions.
Unfortunately for him, these are Jesse Graves’ woods! Jesse, played as varying degrees of confused by Howie Long, can throw axes super well and knows his way around an inferno.
Thus, there is only one possible way for their showdown to end—with Shaye’s head melted by the smoldering heat. No, seriously, that happens.
The lunacy of this film’s premise is probably why it tanked financially. It grossed just $8.16 million on a budget of $30 million. Critics took a torch to it, too. With 26 reviews on Rotten Tomatoes, it sits at 12%. I mean, this isn’t high art, but it feels wrong to burn poor Howie like that.
Anyway, sit back, inhale a few Ax Man Doubled Bladed IPAs from Surly Brewing, and hurl a chainsaw at a moving car! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, and Chumpzilla are smoke-jumping into the blaze to bring down some convicts posing as Canadians!
This Week’s Segments:
- Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Any firefighter knows that fire moves faster going uphill, and going up a hill in a fire is a good way to get trapped! (00:00)
- Lingering Questions – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, we debate who would’ve been the better action star: The Boz or Howie Long. (37:26)
- The “Fight Fire with Fire” Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast wins an Inferno Match, and then I challenge the field to trivia about the movie. (55:30)
- Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We continue “Hops and B-List Action Star Flops” with the unforgettable Van Damme and Rodman film, Double Team! (1:05:53)
- Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘THE SORCERER’S APPRENTICE’ - May 17, 2022
- Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘THE UNBEARABLE WEIGHT OF MASSIVE TALENT’ - May 9, 2022
- Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘MANDY’ - April 29, 2022