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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘PREDATOR 2’
Pred Harder Predator 2 isn’t a bad movie; it’s just a disappointing one. That’s mainly because it pales in comparison to its predecessor, failing to up the ante in any meaningful way. Sure, there is more gore and curse words, but the narrative is a mess. Predator 2 is just an amalgamation of better movies from the genre with the adversarial alien added to the mix. That works just enough for it not to be a total disaster. But, its failure at the box office can certainly be attributed to its slapdash plot and haphazard direction. Aside from a missing in action Arnold, the most glaring weaknesses of Predator 2 are in the execution of…
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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘THE ALAMO’
Remember It The Alamo, directed by John Lee Hancock, is a historical look at the tragic storming of the mission turned fort in 1836 Texas. Though the film boasts incredible sets, well shot historical action, and a wonderful ensemble, it was a box office dud. In fact, it is one of the biggest bombs in history, losing an estimated $146 million. That’s nearly 10 Louisiana Purchases. Critics didn’t help its prospects. Sitting at 29% on Rotten Tomatoes with 159 reviews, their consensus was unkind. We, unfortunately, have to agree. Outside of Billy Bob Thornton as Davy Crockett, 2004’s The Alamo is bereft of personality. It doesn’t help that the film is attempting…
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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘THE LAST DUEL’
Misogynistic Gladiators Ridley Scott’s The Last Duel depicts the final trial by combat in 14th Century France. The titular duel involved Knight Jean de Carrouges (Matt Damon) and Squire Jacques le Gris (Adam Driver), battling over le Gris’ alleged rape of Carrouges’ wife Marguerite (Jodie Comer). Yes, folks, this is a heavy movie, but it is also a very good one. The sets, the costumes, the acting—which includes a wonderfully sleezy performance from Ben Affleck as Count Pierre d’Alençon—and the action are all top notch. This is Scott at the top of his historical storytelling game. Sadly, though, The Last Duel flopped. Hard. As in, it lie dying as an angry Matt Damon…
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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘ALMOST HEROES’
Drinking Has Its Benefits Almost Heroes is the final leading role of comedy legend Chris Farley. Five months prior to its release, he tragically died of an overdose. With that dark cloud hanging over the film, it’s not altogether surprising it suffered at the box office. On a budget of $30 million, it grossed just $6.1 million. Its 5% rating on Rotten Tomatoes probably didn’t help either. For fans of Farley’s work, though, there are things to be enjoyed about Almost Heroes. His trademark high energy and willful disregard for his body on are full display; and the gags are often quite comical as a result. So, Almost Heroes may not be peak Farley,…
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Hops and BOX Office Flops: ‘KING ARTHUR: LEGEND OF THE SWORD’
Arthur Begins King Arthur: Legend of the Sword is a dramatic reimagining of the Arthurian legend. It is also evokes much of its director’s hallmark traits. This is Guy Ritchie’s take on King Arthur, for better and for worse. King Arthur: Legend of the Sword was a gamble. Budgeted at $175 million and with five sequels planned, WB had franchise desires in mind for it. With that much at stake, it’s odd they would butcher the edit of the film. Legend of the Sword, for all its insane visuals and Ritchie flair, is a narrative mess. It zooms from plot point to plot point, replacing essential connective tissue with bizarrely narrated montages.…
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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘DRACULA DEAD AND LOVING IT’
Mister, Mister Dracula Dead and Loving It is a typical Mel Brooks movie. It’s a spoof of Bram Stoker’s Dracula that’s light on plot, but full of goofy gags and childish humor. Unfortunately, it lacks the biting wit of most Brooks films. Despite the unending charms of comedy legend Leslie Nielsen, who portrays the titular Count, too many of the jokes simply do not land. Critics tend to agree. At 11% on Rotten Tomatoes with 37 reviews, Dracula Dead and Loving It is far from peak Brooks. Sure, there are subtle hints of his brilliance, but not enough to make it stand out. Hence why it also flopped, grossing a woeful $10.7 million…
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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘MORBIUS’
It’s Morbin’ Time! Morbius is perhaps the most needless comic book movie ever made. Centered around a D-level Spider-Man villain, it lacks several crucial ingredients. First and foremost, Spider-Man is not in Morbius. In fact, contrary to what the trailers will have you believe, he’s barely even mentioned. Thus, it’s just a film about an anti-hero who’s uninteresting. That would be fine if the plot, script, acting, action, or anything, quite frankly, worked. Morbius is a mess. Both the titular vampire and his plot conveniently evil foil, Milo, are paper thin caricatures. Milo, or Lucian played by Matt Smith, is bad because Morbius needs someone to fight. His actions, and that of the plot at…
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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘VAMPIRE IN BROOKLYN’
Toothless Vampire in Brooklyn is the antithesis of funny. Worse, it’s not at all scary either. When assessing who was involved in its production, neither of those statements should be true. Directed by horror master Wes Craven and principally written by Eddie Murphy (the film’s star), the pedigree was there for it to be a comedic-scare fest. Instead, it’s a muddled and confused mess that too often borders on the offensive. Murphy certainly attempts to run back some gags that worked in the past, but they’re all half-baked. The whole exercise just feels lazy. Listeners, there’s just no blood running through Vampire in Brooklyn‘s veins. Hence its soft box office—$35 million worldwide…
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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘GALLOW WALKERS’
Bladey the Kid Gallow Walkers is wild west Blade, only if Blade was terrible and went straight to DVD. With a $17 million budget, that probably wasn’t the plan. But, shit happens and Gallow Walkers is indeed that unsavory term. It’s sort of a shame because the movie isn’t devoid of interesting ideas. It just executes them poorly, is stuffed with an insane amount of backstory for a 90-minute film, and boasts costumes and sets that look to be straight out of a local theater production. And it doesn’t help that the plot makes very little sense. Wesley Snipes is Aman (“a man”), a drifter who roams the wasteland murdering Gallow Walkers (the undead, sort of). One problem: Anyone…
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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘THE SORCERER’S APPRENTICE’
Knuckle Bump The Sorcerer’s Apprentice is an ode to Disney’s 1940 film Fantasia. Born from an idea Nicolas Cage had, it builds an entire mythos from that brief section of the aforementioned film. Balthazar Blake, Cage, is a sorcerer searching for the rightful heir to Merlin—his former master. He was given a ring by the legendary wizard as he lie dying. That ring will signal the chosen one, who happens to be a bumbling nerd, Dave (played by Jay Baruchel). Anyway, it’s all fairly silly and dumb, but also decently fun. That is thanks in part to Alfred Molina’s Horvath—the sorcerer who betrayed Merlin and Balthazar, aligning himself with the evil Morgana.…
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