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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘THEY LIVE’
All Out of Bubblegum They Live is a bonafide cult classic. And it works not only as a critique on rampant consumerism and Reagan-era economics, but also as a guilty pleasure action movie. The premise is simple: Nada—played by “Rowdy” Roddy Piper—is awakened to the horrific reality the world is actually living in through the lenses of special sunglasses. That world is one run by an unknown alien race, who are bleeding humans dry and lulling them into complacency through the content they absorb. Television, billboards, magazines, and even money all instruct people to do as they are told—to not think or have imagination. Carpenter’s intentions are about as subtle as…
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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘EVENT HORIZON’
Brain Dead Space Event Horizon was Paul W.S. Anderson’s follow up to Mortal Kombat. At the time, he was highly sought after. In the wake of that movie’s success, he was offered the sequel to MK and even an X-Men film, amongst other things. Wanting to veer away from PG-13 fare, Anderson settled on Event Horizon. The basic premise of the film is that a salvage crew is dispatched to secure the titular ship, the Event Horizon, which has been missing for seven years. What they find is not something they will ever un-see, even if they don’t need eyes to do so. Why? Well, in the ship’s journey through the pockets of space, it took a detour. As…
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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘TIN CUP’
Bland Trap Tin Cup re-teams director Ron Shelton with his Bull Durham star Kevin Costner. The pairing, which was stellar in 1988’s Durham, fails to rediscover the magic of that film. That’s primarily because Roy McAvoy, the titular Tin Cup, just isn’t likable. He’s an obtuse man-child—much more akin to “Nuke” Laloosh than “Crash” Davis. And his foibles, which are on full display throughout, are never adequately addressed. One would be justified in arguing that his growth arc may actually be a negative one. Despite that, there is fun to be had on the back nine, especially if you ignore the forced romance sub-plot; and Tin Cup is at its best when it’s tapping into the more spirited aspects…
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Hops and Box Office Flops: “ED”
Monkey Trouble Ed is a movie centering around a chimpanzee who just so happens to be exceptional at baseball. As a concept, that sounds ridiculous, but kids movies have worked with that conceit—take Air Bud as an example. But Ed is a travesty. Plain and simple. It’s unfunny, nonsensical schlock, and it probably killed the notion that Matt LeBlanc could be bankable as a leading man. The film’s failings are not his fault. As devoid of charm as he may be in it, it’s just a rudderless enterprise. Other than the novelty of a chimp—who once belonged to Mickey Mantle—having a golden glove, there’s a distinct lack of focus. Ed ping pongs between plot points we’ve…
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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘SIDE OUT’
Sponsored by MetLife Side Out—which stars C. Thomas Howell and Peter Horton as Monroe Clark and Zack Barnes—is the quintessential beach volleyball movie. There is a distinct lack of competition in that field, but regardless, it is a 1990s filmmaking delight. The central conceit of Side Out is that Clark, an aspiring lawyer, comes to California to intern for his uncle Max—an unscrupulous attorney who’s always out for money. This fortuitously leads him to Barnes, an aging and disgraced former “King of the Beach.” From there, it’s magic. All of it. From the Kenny Loggins needle drop, to the ultra 90s aesthetic, to the incredible montages, Side Out is so bad it actually transcends its…
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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘THE PROGRAM’
Place at the Table The Program is a highly embellished glimpse at the perils of big time collegiate football. The prioritization of wins over the actual molding of young minds is at its center, but so is football’s innate ability to form lasting bonds. The men who take the field put their bodies on the line for each other. It’s a brotherhood. It nails both of those aspects. The shadiness of the folks in charge is omnipresent; and the central cast of characters is relatable. Their foibles, as cliché as they may be, are distinctly human. You’ve got the young upstart running back Darnell Jefferson (Omar Epps), whose education entering college…
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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘LAST MAN STANDING’
No, Not the Tim Allen Show Last Man Standing is the American reimagining of Akira Kurosawa’s Yojimbo (1961), though it wasn’t the first reinterpretation. The Spaghetti Western A Fist Full of Dollars (1964) had tread this ground before—a man with no name caught up in the exacerbating violence of warring gangs. Unlike the Italian-produced film, Last Man Standing was given Kurosawa’s blessing. Unfortunately, it can’t replicate either of its predecessors results. Directed by Walter Hill, it’s a movie that struggles mightily to present a coherent story. Sure, it revolves around Irish and Italian mobsters vying for bootlegging dominance in a remote Texas town, but what happens around that is often nonsensical. That is no fault of the…
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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘HUDSON HAWK’
Scat Burglar Hudson Hawk is as bold a movie as an A-list star could possibly choose to make. And that’s a compliment. Bruce Willis, most famous for playing gruff cop John McClane, stars as cat burglar Eddie Hawkins—the titular Hudson Hawk. He’s tasked with stealing artifacts crafted by Leonardo da Vinci that are capable of turning lead into gold. On the surface, that sounds like a fairly standard action-centric plot. What it actually entails is anything but. Hudson Hawk boasts a deluge of slapstick tomfoolery; dynamic duets between Willis and Danny Aielo, who plays his partner Tommy Five-Tone; a secret com device crafted out of a crucifix; and a gaggle of candy-themed thugs—one…
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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘COP OUT’
Bruce is Too Old for This S**t Cop Out is a humorless retread of the buddy cop trope. Directed by Kevin Smith, though not written by him, it lacks the key ingredient to this tried and true formula—charismatic leads. Bruce Willis, as Jimmy, sleepwalks through the entire film. Tracy Morgan, as his partner Paul, tries dutifully to carry his lifeless husk across the finish line. But, alas, he cannot. No amount of improv or overacting can inject life into the flat script. More than likely, Willis’ on-set tantrums and open disdain for Smith’s direction played a role in Cop Out‘s failures. He just didn’t commit to the material, which forced Morgan to…
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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘THE SUICIDE SQUAD’
Passion Fruit Starfish James Gunn’s The Suicide Squad, which is a pseudo-sequel to 2016’s film, is an unapologetic, Troma-inspired, super heroic gore fest. And it is glorious! This is Gunn’s superhero magnum opus. He dives deep into DC’s bag of obscure characters to assemble a ragtag group of expendable heathens. Make no mistake, many of these oddballs are here to die. And they do so in a series of grotesque ways. This is a hard R, folks. Unlike Birds of Prey or Zack Snyder’s Justice League, which could’ve curbed their foul language to earn a PG-13, The Suicide Squadbasks in the magnificence of its unfettered violence. Bullets are sprayed, a man is murdered with his…
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