Spy Island Double Team is an ill conceived 1997 action film that attempts to capitalize on the waning star power of Jean-Claude Van Damme and Dennis Rodman. Though each had experienced much success in their respective careers, this came far after each of their sell by dates. For Van Damme, who stars as Jack Quinn, a series of misses and a well known issue with drugs took their toll. The latter can be said for Rodman, as well. His partying has been well documented. Thus, this was Van Damme’s big attempt at a come back. He needed a win. Rodman, more than likely, was just along for the ride. For the director—Chinese film…

You Still Alive, Smokejumper?! Firestorm, which is essentially Die Hard set amidst a forest fire, is as bad as you’d expect a movie that stars an ex-NFL player to be. That said, it’s still dumb fun, and it is anchored by another deliciously evil turn from William Forsythe. He plays Shaye—an escaped convict who engineered the fire, so he could reclaim his stashed millions. Unfortunately for him, these are Jesse Graves’ woods! Jesse, played as varying degrees of confused by Howie Long, can throw axes super well and knows his way around an inferno. Thus, there is only one possible way for their showdown to end—with Shaye’s head melted by the smoldering…

Mullets and Motorcycles Stone Cold is a perfect piece of 90s cinema. It’s hyper-masculine, nonsensical schlock; and it is glorious. Starring Brian Bosworth—a stud linebacker from Oklahoma University whose injuries derailed his NFL career—Stone Cold chronicles one man’s struggle to bring a gang of degenerate bikers to justice. Yes, it is as awesome as it sounds. And it’s just entertaining enough that one wonders why Bosworth didn’t become more of a thing. After all, the 80s and 90s were littered with sub-par action films and actors. He had the build, and though he wasn’t exactly overflowing with charisma, he still oozed enough cool with his ridiculous haircut/earring combo to warrant better work…

Straight Outta Dayton Deadbeat at Dawn is essentially a student film. Jim Van Bebber, Chumpzilla’s childhood neighbor, dropped out of college and used his student loans to fund it. It is unapologetic exploitation cinema from the warped mind of Van Bebber, and it is glorious. It’s violent, obscene, odd, overwritten, and surprisingly boasts action scenes that outshine crap we’ve done on the pod from far more expensive movies. It’s sort of shocking how well done some of it is. Thus, there’s no denying that Deadbeat at Dawn, which cost roughly $10,000, does display Van Bebber’s talent. That said, it is also just sort of a bizarre mishmash of better films—Death Wish and The Warriors,…