THEORY: A Marvel Spy Caused The Failure Of BATMAN V SUPERMAN And The Downfall Of The DCEU

No, sorry, that was a lie. You see, regardless of his species, this doesn’t affect the actual quality of his films, as ducks have made some solid films in the past. The actual reason Zack Snyder failed so hard was because he’s a spy working for Marvel Studios. Yes, that’s correct. Look, there’s enough proof in the fact that no man could actually do the horrible things he did all by himself, but this is the internet after all, and we’re gonna need some solid proof to make people believe in this theory.

This first piece of evidence is kind of small, but it should still be considered. If you look at someone over at Marvel, you’ll notice that he bears an uncanny resemblance to Snyder himself. The person I’m referring to is Sebastian Stan. Seriously, it’s like he could be Snyder’s son! Which got me thinking… what if he IS Snyder’s son?

According to pictriev.com, Snyder and Stan are 72% similar. Now, I’m no botanist, but that is definitely pretty accurate. It’s hard to deny the science involved in coming to this conclusion. Since we can conclude that Stan is indeed Snyder’s son, we can put the pieces together. They still work together for Marvel, but Snyder is off working at Warner Bros. for now to take down the DCEU from the inside. But as I mentioned earlier, this isn’t strong enough proof. We need more.

If you remember the film Batman v Superman (I’m so sorry for you), you’ll notice that there is a scene in which we see Batman straight up spying. Spying. Like, with Bond-esque gadgets and everything. Remember the scene? He did this thing at Lex’s house, or something, and Wonder Woman stole the thing. You know, that scene. What happened in that scene? It was so confusing. So that makes you wonder why it’s in the movie.

Well, I’ll tell you why it’s in the movie. That’s basically Zack Snyder saying Fuck You to Warner Bros. and the DCEU.

Snyder is essentially telling you with this scene that he’s a spy. He’s playing it so coy too, that’s the funniest thing. He’s just sitting back in his lounge chatting with his best friend Kevin Feige as he’s watching this scene on loop. When he put that scene in the movie, he was literally doing it because he’s a conniving son of a bitch. He knows he can get away with it, because no one will look into it deeply (except for me, of course). It’s hidden in there for himself and all the Marvel guys to laugh at.

But that’s not all folks. I’ve got more evidence, and this is where things get weird. As we know, there is currently a war going on between Marvel fans and DC fans. It’s now escalated to the point where actors and directors from the respective companies are even in on it. But the thing is, Marvel is attacking DC in a much different way, and this is where we learn the truth about Snyder.

Notice that whenever a Marvel actor thrashes DC, they do so in a playful and/or constructive manner. Need proof of this? Here is a quote from Samuel L. Jackson: “There’s Marvel where you have heroes, and there’s DC where you have interesting bad guys.” Okay, fair enough, right? Just a simple little comment.  In fact, it was a bit of a compliment to DC. And here’s a quote from an interview with Anthony Mackie:

Hmm… interesting. A little snarky, I must say. But if you watch this interview in video form, you’ll see that, while he does indeed hate Man of Steel like the rest of us, he’s still kind of joking around, you know? It’s all in good fun. He’s not going out of his way to attack DC and bring them down. Now, let’s look at the DC side of things. It’s probably going to be pretty similar, right? Well, let’s look at what Jason Momoa had to say:

Wait, what? “Fuck Marvel” you say? That’s a little harsh, don’t you think? Well, maybe he’s the only one. Not everyone at DC can be that harsh towards Marvel, right? Let’s look at what Ben Affleck said in an interview: “[DC] films can’t be as funny or as quick or as glib as Marvel movies.” Now what is THIS?! When Jackson and Mackie were trash talking DC they were just playing around, and they were kind of supportive in a sense. Now here’s Momoa running around yelling “fuck Marvel” and Affleck throwing insults left and right. How dare he call Marvel films glib? Fucking GLIB. There’s got to be more to this.

And there IS more to this. You see, on the DC side of things, they genuinely hate Marvel, and they’re not afraid to make that show. But Marvel on the other hand is in on this whole Snyder thing. Everyone at Marvel knows about this. That’s why they poke fun at DC and say some of the witty things that they say. They’re making a joke of the whole situation. It’s like when a friend comes crying to you because they lost their ridiculous banana hat and you’re messing with them by saying stuff like, “Oh noes, not your precious banana hat! That totes sucks, man!”

Marvel has so little respect for DC at this point because they know that they’ve got them by the balls by having their little spy Zack Snyder infiltrate the DCEU. This is all part of their master plan, and EVERYONE AT MARVEL IS IN ON IT.

Kevin Feige you cheeky bastard.

The immaturity on Marvel’s part is getting quite out of hand, honestly. But you know what? Their actions are justified, since Warner Bros. is so brain dead when it comes to the DCEU that it becomes hard not to make fun of them in this matter, especially now that we know for sure that Marvel has sent out a spy. So now that we’ve cracked the code, let’s talk about what exactly Marvel’s plan is.

Step 1) Send out Zack Snyder, the spy, to direct Man of Steel and Batman v Superman.

Step 2) Snyder is to make sure that both of these movies are utter garbage.

Step 3) Spend all of Warner Bros.’ money on Justice League, which will also be horrible.

Step 4) Now that the DCEU has a reputation for being so horrible, Warner Bros. will go bankrupt since no one is going to go see Justice League.

Step 5) The DCEU crashes and burns as Marvel comes out on top.

This is perhaps the most brilliant thing Marvel has ever done. Once Justice League is released, and people realize that it’s the worst movie in a series of horrible trash films, the DCEU will be all but destroyed. No one will see the film, and since Warner Bros. will have invested billions in this franchise, they will be destroyed. Now, why exactly would Marvel want to destroy DC? Well, it’s simple.

As you know, when there is more than one company making movies of the same genre, people will be forced to make a choice between which one they want to go see, since as we all know, it’s foolish and downright illegal to enjoy both. Therefore, if Marvel were to eliminate the competition entirely, their movies will be the only option for people, and everyone must now go to Marvel for superhero movies. Like I said, this is a brilliant move.

So all of you diehard DC fucklets out there, just know that your perfect little cinematic universe is crumbling to the ground, and it’s all because the person whom you worshipped so dearly is secretly a spy working for the competition. Really, it’s a metaphor for life. All cherished things must eventually be destroyed, and it will be at the hands of your mortal enemy. So take a stand, and destroy all those who vex you before they can destroy you.

Thank you, and goodnight.