The Long Kiss Goodnight is obnoxious, loud, and dumb. In other words, most action movies of the 80s and 90s. It’s also hopelessly convoluted and botches its central premise—that of an amnesic suburban housewife who has forgotten that she used to be an assassin. Starring Geena Davis—in her second collaboration with former husband Renny Harlin—as Samantha Caine (the innocent)/Charly Baltimore (the no-so-innocent), The Long Kiss Goodnight just isn’t equal to the sum of its parts. The supporting cast is great—boasting Samuel L. Jackson, Brian Cox, Craig Bierko, and David Morse, amongst others—and it was written by Shane Black, the literal master of this conceit (i.e. the mismatched action duo). Even with those elements, it…

Wayne’s World 2 came hot off the heels of its smash hit predecessor. The first—which remains the most successful Saturday Night Live-inspired film—grossed over $180 million worldwide. Suffice to say, Wayne’s World 2 could not replicate that success. Earning just $48 million on double the budget ($40 million), its returns were a disappointment. Some would say they, “licked the cat’s butt.” The dismal gross would also suggest that Wayne’s World 2 is demonstrably worse than the first. That’s simply not true. Is it derivative? Sure. But it’s also consistently funny, generating enough new gags to keep the most cynical of us entertained—even if just moderately. Anyway, if you’ve got a fine eye for details, perhaps some of the…

Stuart Saves His Family is a textbook example of how not all sketches are meant to be made into films. If it’s not the worst Saturday Night Live adaptation, it’s certainly close. Based on Daily Affirmation with Stuart Smalley, as well as an in-character novel by Al Franken (the movie’s star), the film never seems to understand what made Smalley work in the first place.  Worse, it’s not at all funny. It wraps him in a realistic world, full of realistic and often depressing family problems. Couple that with a plot that meanders between his home life and his struggling work life and none of it equates to comedy gold. So, though Stuart Smalley may…

MacGruber, which is a riff on the old jack-of-all trades television character MacGyver, is one of the more perplexing Saturday Night Live adaptations. I don’t say that in a bad way. It’s more because it takes a truncated skit (generally 30 seconds) and turns it into an unabashed, hard R, gross out gag, lowbrow yuck fest. That conceit can be a lot when stretched over 90 minutes. If that sounds terrible, and some may certainly find it to be, we don’t blame you; but it’s actually a lot of fun. And, honestly, if you have seen the skit, its decision to pull no punches makes a lot of sense. At his core, MacGruber—the character—is…

Blues Brothers 2000 should have never happened. Period. It’s an uninspired rehash of one of the great 80s comedies. There is nothing new here; thus, there was no reason for revisiting the titular brothers. Oh, and lest we forget that one of them—John Belushi—tragically passed away in 1982. Without his oversized and all-consuming personality, there is an undeniable void that’s never filled. The magic is gone. And no matter how many fake brothers you insert into the mix, it’s not going to matter—particularly when the actors are stripped of most of their charm and charisma. John Goodman has never been less magnetic than he is here as “Mighty” Mack McTeer. Did…