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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘FIRESTORM’
You Still Alive, Smokejumper?! Firestorm, which is essentially Die Hard set amidst a forest fire, is as bad as you’d expect a movie that stars an ex-NFL player to be. That said, it’s still dumb fun, and it is anchored by another deliciously evil turn from William Forsythe. He plays Shaye—an escaped convict who engineered the fire, so he could reclaim his stashed millions. Unfortunately for him, these are Jesse Graves’ woods! Jesse, played as varying degrees of confused by Howie Long, can throw axes super well and knows his way around an inferno. Thus, there is only one possible way for their showdown to end—with Shaye’s head melted by the smoldering…
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The Amateur Otaku – Netflix’s Cowboy Bebop Review
The Time has come, Space Cowboys! Join Isak Wolff, Brandon Alvarado and Michael Thomas for their no-holds barred review of Netflix’s Cowboy Bebop.
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The Amateur Otaku – Shonen Jump Crossover w/ Leo Rydel
Join Isak Wolff (The Amateur Otaku) and Leo Rydel (Geekly Goods) as they cover an obscure anime crossover from the Shonen Jump universe. This epic event brings characters from Dragon Ball, One Piece, and Toriko for one crazy adventure. It’s a fun episode for such a random one-off experience. Check it out here!
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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘STONE COLD’
Mullets and Motorcycles Stone Cold is a perfect piece of 90s cinema. It’s hyper-masculine, nonsensical schlock; and it is glorious. Starring Brian Bosworth—a stud linebacker from Oklahoma University whose injuries derailed his NFL career—Stone Cold chronicles one man’s struggle to bring a gang of degenerate bikers to justice. Yes, it is as awesome as it sounds. And it’s just entertaining enough that one wonders why Bosworth didn’t become more of a thing. After all, the 80s and 90s were littered with sub-par action films and actors. He had the build, and though he wasn’t exactly overflowing with charisma, he still oozed enough cool with his ridiculous haircut/earring combo to warrant better work…
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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘KILL THE IRISHMAN’
So Called Mafia Kill the Irishman chronicles the life and turbulent times of Danny Greene, a tough Irishman who gets involved with the Cleveland mafia. As far as gangster flicks go, it’s not half-bad; but that also means it’s generally half-good. That’s because it’s a relatively unfocused look at a rather complicated and violent life. It honestly feels like there’s a good 30 minutes of connective tissue missing from the movie. Hence why Kill the Irishman is never equal to the sum of its parts. Sure, we get appearances from great actors like Val Kilmer, Christopher Walken, and Paul Sorvino. They are just given nothing to do. Greene, who’s played by admirably by Ray…
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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘STRIKING DISTANCE’
Jagoff Cops Striking Distance is a fairly stereotypical 90s cop movie, but with a twist: Bruce Willis’ hairline! From scene to scene it shifts dramatically. Balding Bruce, which we must assume is the Bruce from the original shooting, transforms into toupee Bruce multiple times throughout the movie—sometimes from one cut to the next. It’s astounding. The wig—despite its omnipresence—is not the hook of the film, though. Striking Distance follows the downward trajectory of former homicide detective Tom Hardy. He’s now a river rescue cop. Why? Well, he sold out his partner, and was shunned by the other boys in blue. Ok, but what’s the rest of the movie about? Oh, there’s also a…
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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘ROAD HOUSE’
Our Way or the Highway Road House is everything an action movie should be. Its premise is over the top, its plot is utterly nonsensical, and none of the people involved seem to be aware of it. Starring Patrick Swayze, who was fresh off of Dirty Dancing, Road House presents the all too relatable plot of: What if you’re a doorman in a small town run by a vengeful crook? Well, if you’re Dalton (Swayze), you beat the snot out of a lot of people while wearing pleated pants and billowy linen shirts. That’s Road House in a nut shell. Brad Wesley—played by a scenery chewing Ben Gazzara—makes it his personal mission to destroy Dalton’s life,…
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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘DEADBEAT AT DAWN’
Straight Outta Dayton Deadbeat at Dawn is essentially a student film. Jim Van Bebber, Chumpzilla’s childhood neighbor, dropped out of college and used his student loans to fund it. It is unapologetic exploitation cinema from the warped mind of Van Bebber, and it is glorious. It’s violent, obscene, odd, overwritten, and surprisingly boasts action scenes that outshine crap we’ve done on the pod from far more expensive movies. It’s sort of shocking how well done some of it is. Thus, there’s no denying that Deadbeat at Dawn, which cost roughly $10,000, does display Van Bebber’s talent. That said, it is also just sort of a bizarre mishmash of better films—Death Wish and The Warriors,…
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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘THE MATRIX RESURRECTIONS’
Face-Zucker-Suck The Matrix Resurrections ushers us back into the false and hollow reality that is the Matrix. It’s been 18 years since we’ve entered the virtual dystopia. And the last time we were thrust into its oppressive confines, the results were less than stellar. 1999’s original two sequels sort of divided general audiences. The visuals and exceptional stunts were still there, but the message was lost in translation. As for The Matrix Resurrections, it is not the hit the first one was, but it’s certainly not the other two either. It goes back more to the basics, centering the story around the inextricable bond between Neo (Keanu Reeves) and Trinity (Carrie-Anne Moss). This, of course,…
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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘END OF DAYS’
Satan’s a Choir Boy Compared to Arnold End of Days was Arnold Schwarzenegger’s triumphant return to the big screen after a two-year hiatus. Suffice to say, it was an odd choice of comebacks. End of Days centers around Satan’s quest to bring about, well, the end of days by consummating his relationship with the woman destined to be the mother of his child. It certainly has action scenes, but it’s more religious horror than anything else—unfamiliar fare for Arnold. The fisticuffs and shooting it does contain are a little underwhelming, as are its scarier elements. Basically, the film has an identity crisis. So despite my love for it—which I admit is rooted deeply…