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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘TRUE ROMANCE’
It’s White Boy Day Written by Quentin Tarantino and directed by Tony Scott, True Romance is everything we love about the lawless ass 90s. It’s unapologetically profane and violent, more than a bit dated, but also utterly rewatchable. This is due in large part to its incredible cast. From Gary Oldman as Rastafarian pimp Drexl, to a pre-Sopranos James Gandolfini as mafia heavy Virgil, to Brad Pitt as stoner Floyd, this movie is overflowing with stars in the making. And those three are barely even in it. That’s how incredible this cast is. Christian Slater, who stars as Clarence Worley, and Patricia Arquette, who plays his love interest Alabama, are surrounded by top-tier performances.…
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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘JASON X’
Jason Gonna Give It to You Jason X was probably ahead of its time. In that, it deviates from the series traditionally serious horror roots, replacing traditional scares with unchecked campiness. When it was released in 2001, people were not pleased. Critics didn’t know what to make of it either, slicing it down to a paltry 19% on Rotten Tomatoes. With a $14 million budget, a series high at the time, its $17.1 million gross was also box office murder. Over time, though, its unapologetically goofy premise—taking the titular Jason Voorhees to space—has grown on people. It seems the less serious audiences take Jason X, the more fun they have. And make…
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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘CRITTERS 4’
Space Fur Balls Critters 4 is was the second film in the franchise to go straight to video. And it continued the trend of shrinking the scale of the story being told. Like Critters 3, which was set in an apartment building, Critters 4 confines its characters to a claustrophobic space station and gives them very few Crites to deal with. There are literally only two titular Critters in the movie. That feisty alien duo isn’t enough to generate sufficient kills or scares to make this an entertaining entry in the series. Thus despite bringing back franchise favorite Charlie, played as always by Don Keith Hopper, and boasting the talents of horror icon Brad…
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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘LEPRECHAUN 4 – IN SPACE’
Irish Emmanuelle in Space Leprechaun 4: In Space is about as low budget as a horror movie sequel can get. Released straight to video in 1997 and produced for a whopping $3 million, it gives most local theater productions a run for their money in terms of set design and costumes. But, should we really expect anything else? Leprechaun 4 is the second of the sequels to be banished directly to video store shelves, and it further frays the series’ strands of believability. Vegas sort of makes sense. But space? Odd plot aside—which involves the titular fairy wooing an alien princess in the hopes of becoming king—Leprechaun 4lacks most of the elements necessary…
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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘HELLRAISER IV: BLOODLINE
Written by a Pinhead Hellraiser IV: Bloodline is a typical late 80s/early 90s horror sequel; as in, it’s a cash grab. Sure, it takes Pinhead and his Cenobite minions to space (sort of), but it has nothing truly unique to offer to the series’ lore. And the space element, which was so popular amongst fledgling horror franchises that we’re dedicating an entire month to it, isn’t even present the majority of the film. Hellraiser IV revolves much more around its subtitle, “Bloodline.” It chronicles the history of Lemarchand’s Box, the puzzle box that unlocks the gateway to Hell, covering its original design by French toymaker Philip Lemarchand, through its ultimate use to lock…
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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘DEATH TO SMOOCHY’
Gluten and Laugh Free Death to Smoochy is a black comedy about the ills of child television programming and its clear exploitation of kids for monetary gain. The concept is ripe for the picking. Sadly, Death to Smoochy‘s execution of it is lacking. Neither funny, nor particularly compelling, its a movie devoid of all the essential ingredients of a good comedy. The characters—played at least with enthusiasm by Robin Williams as Rainbow Randolph and Edward Norton, the titular Smoochy—are generally unlikeable. Randolph, who goes through a sort of awakening after losing his prime TV spot, just sort of sucks; and considering none of his self-reflection ever involves acknowledging he was fired for…
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Hops and Box Office Flops: ’47 RONIN’
Ronin with My Homies 47 Ronin is a Hollywood-sized retelling of a famous Japanese legend. It’s full of mystical CGI beasts and absurd witchcraft. Why? Who the hell really knows, but apparently the executives wanted something in the vein of the Hobbit movies. Yes, a recurring theme on this pod is that too often the people running the studio let their bad ideas seep into the product. 47 Ronin did not need a monstrous budget to be captivating. The actual history is interesting enough. It’s more an indictment of American audiences to think authentic Japanese history wouldn’t capture their attention. Anyway, when you spend close to $225 million on what should be a…
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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘PRINCE OF PERSIA’
The Lion of Central Casting Disney’s Prince of Persia was a bold endeavor. With a $185 million price tag, it shattered the ceiling for video game adaptation budgets. The House of Mouse made a bet, and it was a big one. Unfortunately, it was also a bad one. The Prince of Persia franchise is popular, but general audiences have rarely flocked to movies based on games. Thus, despite it being the most successful of the bunch—grossing $336.4 million worldwide—its receipts weren’t enough to warrant a sequel. Poor reviews, 37% on Rotten Tomatoes, coupled with a soft domestic opening, under $91 million, doomed its franchise prospects. What it’s really remembered for, though, is its bizarre…
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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘GANGSTER SQUAD’
La La Confidential Gangster Squad never equals the sum of its parts. Featuring a stacked cast—Sean Penn, Josh Brolin, Ryan Gosling, and Emma Stone, to name a few—it’s never more than a middling mob flick. And that’s a problem. Why? Well, there are dozens of films in this genre, many of which capitalize on their premise far more than this does. Gangster Squad is essentially a 21st Century Untouchables without any of the style or substance that made that movie so great. Thus, despite strong efforts from the aforementioned cast, the material is never elevated. Hence why critics hated it, 30% on Rotten Tomatoes with 207 reviews; and audiences avoided it. On a budget of…
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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘PREY’
Do Not Kill the Dog Prey reignites the Predator franchise in the best ways possible. It’s more contained—focusing on the story and characters, rather than feeling the need to go bigger. It’s the hit the series desperately needed. After a slew of middling to outright mediocre sequels (and sidequels), Prey optimizes the formula for the alien hunter’s antics. It takes the creature back in time—the northwest plains in 1719—and utilizes the incredible landscapes to set a tone and atmosphere the films have been missing. This is Naru’s journey just as much as it is the Predator’s. She, like the extraterrestrial, is out to prove herself. That is the heartbeat of the movie—one woman’s quest to…
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