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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘HOME SWEET HOME ALONE’
Make It Stop Home Sweet Home Alone is the epitome of a lazy, soulless rehash; and, quite frankly, it is the antithesis of how you leverage a valuable IP. Disney should be ashamed. With their abundance of resources, they trotted out not only one of the worst films of the year, it’s one of the worst of the decade. Home Sweet Home Alone is never funny. It is quite often painful, though, and that’s not including the myriad of death traps the “burglars” are forced to endure. I use quotes because the “antagonists” are anything but that. They’re actually just a struggling family attempting to retrieve a priceless doll they believe to be…
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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘TERMINATOR GENISYS’
Rotten Member Berries Terminator Genisys is a hodgepodge of ideas from more beloved Terminator films. It gives us the gruff and tough Sarah Connor, as well as the sleek and dangerous T-1000; and it even features an Arnold versus Arnold face-off in 1984 amid the familiar backdrop of the original T-800’s arrival. There’s only one issue: None of it particularly works. Terminator Genisys feels more like half-baked fan fiction than it does a coherent narrative. Thus, despite how much we all love those elements and moments from the prior movies, they come across as shameless pandering here. Pair that with a convoluted script that hops through time more often than Dr. Sam Beckett, and…
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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘THE ROCKETEER’
The Antifa Adventurer That isn’t Dr. Jones The Rocketeer is a beloved 1991 Disney film. Based on Dave Stevens’ comic series, which debuted in 1982, it revolves around stunt pilot Cliff Secord’s (Bill Campbell) fortuitous discovery of a jetpack created by Howard Hughes. Of course, adventure ensues. The character was created as a tribute to the 1930s serials that had inspired wonder in the youth of their day. Both the comics and film execute that homage perfectly. The Rocketeer is indeed a cult classic. Loaded with charm—which is anchored by the majestic score of James Horner—it serves as a delightful reminder of the comic book films of yesteryear. Those films had to rely far…
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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘SNAKE EYES’
Crapped Out Snake Eyes continues the unfortunate legacy of the legendary G.I. Joe toys on film. As in, it’s not particularly good, nor was it successful. Snake Eyes, like many films nowadays, is meant to serve as an origin story for its titular hero, but also as an introduction to a larger universe. We get appearances from Cobra’s Baroness, as well as the classic Joe Scarlett. The issue is they don’t necessarily fit. They are crammed into what’s already a messy film. Thus, they are shortchanged and underdeveloped. What is developed is the film’s inability to make Snake Eyes, played by Henry Golding, particularly endearing. From the jump, his motivations and behavior establish him as…
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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘THE LONE RANGER’
Wendigo Hammer The Lone Ranger is a modern adaptation of the popular 1930s radio series, as well as the late 1940s/1950s television show. It features a masked hero, the titular one, and his trusty Native American sidekick, Tonto. After decades of inaction, Disney went big to bring the duo back. They re-teamed Gore Verbinski with Johnny Depp—who’d collaborated on the first three Pirates of the Caribbean movies; and they essentially wrote the director a blank check. In retrospect, that was a mistake, as was Depp’s baffling decision to play Tonto. With a budget ranging from $225 to $250 million, its modest $260.5 million take was disastrous for the House of Mouse. Depending on who…
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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘DUNE’
Spice Up Your Life Dune, based upon Frank Herbert’s classic 1965 novel, has been done before on both big screen and small, but never to this scope or scale. Denis Villeneuve—given the resources and technology—has crafted a faithful and awe-inspiring interpretation of the novel’s first half. Thankfully—based upon recent remarks—Paul Atreides’ adventure will not end here. This is literally half a story. And without the rest, it would not stand particularly well on its own. Unlike something like Zack Snyder’s Justice League—which has a definitive ending, despite teasing more—Paul’s story in this film ends on a cliffhanger. We won’t spoil it here, as we do over the pod, but Baron Vladimir…
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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘CLUB DREAD’
Naughty Cal Club Dread—Broken Lizard‘s follow up to Super Troopers—is a riff on 80s slasher films; and it boasts a cast of characters that are eclectic, dumb, horny, and ripe for the picking. This, of course, is anchored by the Broken Lizard crew. There’s Dave, the drug-addled DJ (Paul Soter); Putnam, the buttoned-up tennis coach (Jay Chandrasekhar); Sam, the chief of the Fun Police (Erik Stolhanske); Lars, the smooth-operating new masseuse (Kevin Heffernan); and Juan, the promiscuous dive coach (Steve Lemme). Their characters here are wildly different from their respective turns in Troopers, and not all are created equal. There are a few swings and misses in the bunch. That is entirely forgiven, though, by…
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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘THEY LIVE’
All Out of Bubblegum They Live is a bonafide cult classic. And it works not only as a critique on rampant consumerism and Reagan-era economics, but also as a guilty pleasure action movie. The premise is simple: Nada—played by “Rowdy” Roddy Piper—is awakened to the horrific reality the world is actually living in through the lenses of special sunglasses. That world is one run by an unknown alien race, who are bleeding humans dry and lulling them into complacency through the content they absorb. Television, billboards, magazines, and even money all instruct people to do as they are told—to not think or have imagination. Carpenter’s intentions are about as subtle as…
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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘EVENT HORIZON’
Brain Dead Space Event Horizon was Paul W.S. Anderson’s follow up to Mortal Kombat. At the time, he was highly sought after. In the wake of that movie’s success, he was offered the sequel to MK and even an X-Men film, amongst other things. Wanting to veer away from PG-13 fare, Anderson settled on Event Horizon. The basic premise of the film is that a salvage crew is dispatched to secure the titular ship, the Event Horizon, which has been missing for seven years. What they find is not something they will ever un-see, even if they don’t need eyes to do so. Why? Well, in the ship’s journey through the pockets of space, it took a detour. As…
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Hops and Box Office Flops: ‘TIN CUP’
Bland Trap Tin Cup re-teams director Ron Shelton with his Bull Durham star Kevin Costner. The pairing, which was stellar in 1988’s Durham, fails to rediscover the magic of that film. That’s primarily because Roy McAvoy, the titular Tin Cup, just isn’t likable. He’s an obtuse man-child—much more akin to “Nuke” Laloosh than “Crash” Davis. And his foibles, which are on full display throughout, are never adequately addressed. One would be justified in arguing that his growth arc may actually be a negative one. Despite that, there is fun to be had on the back nine, especially if you ignore the forced romance sub-plot; and Tin Cup is at its best when it’s tapping into the more spirited aspects…
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